(WatchBlog McGee is a fictionalized blogger but reports on actual, flesh and bone, real-life fantasy football leagues. This year, he is embedded deep in the CFFFL, and will be periodically blogging on league matters.)
WatchBlog here again. I may be jeopardizing my relationships with league officials with today’s blog, but some big things are brewing in the league, and I wouldn’t be meeting my readers’ deeply rooted expectations if I didn’t get this hot information out there. Let’s get to it.
Commissioner Corruption?
Several CFFFL managers have quietly been suggesting that Commissioner Cook is conducting “business” in a manner most resembling the reign of Genghis Khan. Recently, many took their complaints public. Cindy “If my team color isn’t green then I’m not playing” Cook (Leftovers manager) was the first to challenge the Commish 10 days ago when she openly called for Commish Cook’s impeachment. Some speculate the Commish offered an incentive to silence her criticism by improving her waiver wire position by 3 spots, despite her dominating in the point totals. (Leftovers picked up Devery Henderson today off the waiver wire.) Two other CFFFL managers have openly called out the Commish for what appears to be rampant corruption. I’ll keep an eye on this corruption investigation as it develops.
Week 1 Games (cont’d)
Back to on the field issues: in an unexpected trend in week 1, the female managed teams were undefeated against male managed teams. Stacy “blackmarket organs are ok with me” Cook and Amanda “my Dad drafted a better team for me than he did for him” Cook both beat up their male adversaries in week one. The remaining two CFFFL female managers faced off against each other, in what was widely referred to as “The Estrogen Bowl.” The game was not even close as the Leftovers definitely had the hormonal imbalance working in their favor over Hottez wit da bodiez. (Note: Shoshana “is a football quarter like a quarter note?” Cook is listed as co-manager of Easily Offensive, which also won in Week 1. It is unknown what, if any contribution she had to this victory.)
In the least compelling game of the week, The Lions defeated Honey Badger. Neither team scored over 100 points in their game, and it is unclear when either one of them will be able to do so. Neither manager was asked for a comment, as both teams apparently have a policy of not speaking to the media.
The most highly anticipated game of Week 1 was the matchup between two of the consensus top contenders for the CFFFL Championship, Cousin Mose & Me and Easily Offensive. Both teams were very confident going in to Week 1, to the point of sickening bravado. As is often the case, the game did not live up to the hype. Neither team played particularly well, and Easily Offensive escaped with a last minute win thanks, in part, to a couple of ridiculous plays by Tony Romo, starting QB for Norman Cook’s PlowBoys. When the PlowBoy’s chief was asked if he asked Romo to throw that interception to give his favorite son’s team the win, he responded with the confusing “My Team Win and Lose.”
WatchBlog out.
Wednesday, September 14, 2011
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
Issue 1 - 2011
(WatchBlog McGee is a fictionalized blogger but reports on actual, flesh and bone, real-life fantasy football leagues. This year, he is embedded deep in the CFFFL, and will be periodically blogging on league matters.)
WatchBlog here, deep inside the upstart Cook Family Fantasy Football League, universally known as the CFFFL. In my short time here, I’ve been able to build a unique level of trust and comradery with many team owners, and have been able to gain access to very candid opinions and top-secret team decisions across all 10 teams. While my access to some owners is limited, I’ve compensated by making up some really cool sounding stuff. Let’s get to Week 1 action.
Draft Day Controversy
The CFFFL got off to a shaky start on draft day, as Commissioner Gary “I have a cousin Mose which no one in my family has met” Cook inexplicably shifted the randomly selected draft order, and moved his eldest brother, and fellow league member down 3 spots. Although the commissioner apologized for the “mistake” wide speculation began that the demotion was due to the Commish’s long standing resentment against his brother for his 1980's perm. Had he been reached for comment, the Commish would have likely said “That thing still haunts me to this day...”
Week 1 Games
The first week of games is in the books, and not surprisingly, the team comprised of the best “bodiez” did not do well. When asked for comment on her team’s lowest point output in the league, Lauren Cook allegedly said “I have no idea what you’re talking about...”
It was, however, surprising that the long shot Lions actually scored some points and won their first game despite having a running back duo that one confidential league source described as “lame.”
Other losers this week included Norman “I love the Cowboys” Cook’s PlowBoys, who responded even before his first week game ended by cutting running back Danny Woodhead. This move was even more controversial considering his team still carries running back Brandon Jackson, who is out for the season with injury. The PlowBoys weren’t contacted for comment, but it is well known that this move was right out of the Jimmy Johnson playbook, and that a team message was certainly being sent.
In the most exciting game of the week, the Cute Little Puppies, who played like actual puppies on Sunday, found some offense on Monday night and then went out and wet all over the 47ers. Jerry “My perm was actually in style back then” Cook released an official statement on the loss: “Ahhhhhhggggg.” Well said, Jerry, well said.
WatchBlog here, deep inside the upstart Cook Family Fantasy Football League, universally known as the CFFFL. In my short time here, I’ve been able to build a unique level of trust and comradery with many team owners, and have been able to gain access to very candid opinions and top-secret team decisions across all 10 teams. While my access to some owners is limited, I’ve compensated by making up some really cool sounding stuff. Let’s get to Week 1 action.
Draft Day Controversy
The CFFFL got off to a shaky start on draft day, as Commissioner Gary “I have a cousin Mose which no one in my family has met” Cook inexplicably shifted the randomly selected draft order, and moved his eldest brother, and fellow league member down 3 spots. Although the commissioner apologized for the “mistake” wide speculation began that the demotion was due to the Commish’s long standing resentment against his brother for his 1980's perm. Had he been reached for comment, the Commish would have likely said “That thing still haunts me to this day...”
Week 1 Games
The first week of games is in the books, and not surprisingly, the team comprised of the best “bodiez” did not do well. When asked for comment on her team’s lowest point output in the league, Lauren Cook allegedly said “I have no idea what you’re talking about...”
It was, however, surprising that the long shot Lions actually scored some points and won their first game despite having a running back duo that one confidential league source described as “lame.”
Other losers this week included Norman “I love the Cowboys” Cook’s PlowBoys, who responded even before his first week game ended by cutting running back Danny Woodhead. This move was even more controversial considering his team still carries running back Brandon Jackson, who is out for the season with injury. The PlowBoys weren’t contacted for comment, but it is well known that this move was right out of the Jimmy Johnson playbook, and that a team message was certainly being sent.
In the most exciting game of the week, the Cute Little Puppies, who played like actual puppies on Sunday, found some offense on Monday night and then went out and wet all over the 47ers. Jerry “My perm was actually in style back then” Cook released an official statement on the loss: “Ahhhhhhggggg.” Well said, Jerry, well said.
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